We have a way of believing what we’ve always believed, even if it was a myth or the way we perceived someone or something in life. To grow is to be fully alive, so I hope you’ll pry open that clam shell of a mind and truly believe what research supports…that men are not the creatures we think they are and that mature men are not the hormone-driven beasts many of us remember from our college days. Nature has helped us all evolve in lovely ways.
When we first meet someone and are hot to trot, as my mother used to say, we are on drugs! Yep, drugs as powerful as heroine take us from that first heart-racing moment into seeing a future with this amazing, perfect man. See, our cave woman DNA is still there too! Only now, if we’re older, babies are best left to our children to have. Still, it’s an exciting time and I say, enjoy it! Just know, however, you aren’t seeing clearly and it doesn’t necessarily mean this is Mr. Right nor your “forever companion”.
As the balloon of highs begins to float softly to the floor over time, a new reality dawns. What’s next? If you’re still finding yourself attracted and it’s mutual, something else already happened that is creating the possibility of an ongoing committed relationship. You have a lot to learn and with your feet on the ground over time you’ll come to see each other more and more deeply and honestly. But…beyond the shiny hair and curves of your body, this is what he saw that made him want to commit to the next stage of exploring a relationship with YOU…
Are you ready for the Number 1 attraction for men?
Self-Confidence! Men find it irresistible! Sexy! Why?
A good man wants to be there for the woman he cares about. He wants to take care of you, protect you, give to you and spend his precious time with you. MOST OF ALL…he wants to make you happy. Everything revolves around that one thing. When you are happy, he’s happy and when you aren’t, his life feels really unhappy. Why? Because when a man cares about a woman, opens his very fragile heart and is as vulnerable as a splayed fryer on a cutting board, it’s a big deal! They just want us to be happy. So, when you show up self-confident, with a rich life of your own, things you feel passionate about, a good sense of who you are, they know they can do the rest! What they can’t do is MAKE you happy when you need that in too many ways. It pays to work on your self-confidence before you begin to date so that you will draw a wonderful man to you who can give you the best of himself.
Coming in at Number 2
Authenticity...the Real You
A man feels safest when he knows what and who he is dealing with. Certainly women share this need. A man pursuing a committed relationship wants to get to know the real you so as you reveal who you are over time, trust builds and they relax so that commitment can deepen. It’s not the outfit they fell in love with, it’s the woman who showed up as herself, and could express her wants and desires, standing firm but kind when things got rocky. Men don’t usually like surprises, especially the emotional kind, so knowing who you truly are is an important step as you move into dating again. You may have some work to do because as girls and women are certainly not taught to be ourselves. Little girls learn from birth to be what others want, need and expect us to be. Now it’s time to be yourself, know what you want and need and be able to express that to the man of your dreams. Time to learn a new way of being your best authentic self!
And Number 3
Passionate…not just in bed!
Men who come to see me almost always describe the woman of their dreams like this… “I want somebody who has a full life, who knows who she is, gets excited about things, is involved…vibrant.” Yes, many men want passion in the bedroom but they often feel most loving when you’re out together and they see your emotions and passion when you talk about the sunset or the food, or how you close your eyes when you hear or feel something beautiful like the sound of waves, or the feel of his cashmere sweater. Our senses are a turn-on to men. So, when you’re writing that profile for an online dating site, be passionate. And, after you meet him, never lose that.
Here’s to your search or your ongoing love affair with a man. There’s so much to learn about them and they certainly have a lot of learning to do about us. But, for today, just remember to stay open, kind and compassionate as you move closer together in love.
I’m always learning too! So, men…please leave some comments on this blog post to let me know what else matters to you in loving a woman and I will happily learn more from all of you! Thank you in advance!
If you’d like to learn more about yourself and about finding someone to share this next amazing chapter of your wonderful life, I’d love to show you the way. Call or email me for a 30-minute Complimentary Session about Finding Love in 90 Days
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair