How long should we wait after we lose someone we loved?
This is a tricky one and the extremes are tempting. If we just lost the love of our life, it leaves a big old hole in us the size of a giant Sequoia when, after a century, it falls. It can feel like a tooth is missing and our tongue keeps going to where it used to be, searching for that familiar feeling. All we seem to be able to do is go over and over the “why?”of it. Will this ever stop?
The temptation to find someone, anyone to help us stop the pain always looms. We used to call it being “on the rebound”, but whatever it is, filling a hole is not a great way to begin a loving relationship.
Do I wait until I am “healed”, until I don’t feel sad any more, until I “get over him/her”? Well, if you are 25, that might work. Over 55, you could be dead!
Here is how I look at it…when you feel open to love again, it is time to begin. That might mean wading in. Flirt with someone at a coffee shop, buy a new dress or a soft, stylish shirt that makes you feel sexy, join the gym to lose a few pounds, firm up the abs and begin to get ready for love. Check out a free online dating website...just look, nobody will know.
When you meet someone and decide to go out on a date…ooops!…we call it a “coffee” so it doesn’t feel too serious, treat it like a job interview. If necessary, take a Xanax. Do whatever it takes to care for yourself, realizing that you are one brave creature. You are willing to take the plunge, to feel once again the joy of having someone across the table in the cafe who is a graduate of the School of
Heart Hard Knocks.
Thinking you are ready to find someone to share those sunsets and nights by the fire? I’d love to be your guide to loving again.
Call me or email me for a Complimentary Session to learn more about how my plan, Love in 90 Days can get you there with clarity and confidence.
Donna Bailey, MS
I’m a Coach specializing in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big Red Chair