It’s One of the Hardest Things You’ll Ever Need to Do


This year I’m in a time of great transition. My gut seems to be playing the role of Rudolph, lighting the way in days or parts of days that can feel like a dark woods. It isn’t pleasant and sometimes it leaves me in a heap, having spent the day getting deeper and deeper into a big ball of yarn. What’s the secret sauce? I ask. I beg, I pray. I whine. You see, I don’t like being out of control. I just hate it!


This past year I lost my housing.  Five years ago friends who I adore rented their sweet little condo to me, telling me to  “make it your own”. There was no time limit, so we all thought. Then a year ago they needed to sell it and no amount of wishing could change that. It was time for a new chapter and yet, every time I tried to write it, there were no words. Maybe Stephen King can force himself to meet a deadline, but mine come when they come and no amount of forcing ever works. Same with which direction to go. Looking at a four-way intersection without a marker, not a clue which fork will get me there. It’s like looking at a blank canvas when you’ve got your paints and brushes all ready to go and feeling frozen by “too much white”.


What do we do when we are what I call “neither here nor there”…that state of airless suspended animation, or so it seems? Where nothing is happening and we are crying for the answers. You won’t like the answer and neither do I but here it is…NOTHING. We do nothing. Not because we give up, though we do have to let go of the stranglehold we have on it. You see, what we can’t see, feel or know is that we ARE doing something already. Our unconscious is working night and day. Invisible shifts in our landscape are moving us. And, if we can stop struggling like a woman who thinks she’s drowning in a pool until she puts her feet down and touches bottom…we have a chance to find some peace and serenity.


Answers come, break-ups heal, clarity and solutions mysteriously arrive when we trust. Perhaps we need to just trust our gut, our Higher Power, morning meditation time, our doctors and healers. When we’re lost and there’s no clear way to go, the only answer is doing nothing, waiting for the water to clear and knowing that though it feels like we’re alone, we never really are.  I hope whatever transition you are in this year, that you can let go of the choke-hold that you have on it, trust your gut and remember what worked for you in the past. I’m betting it was a big dose of faith.


Are you tired of struggling and wondering why you can’t find someone to love? Are you ready to look at what’s getting in your way? I’m here to help you see that there is love out there and show you how to find it.

If you’re in a life transition, looking for love, I offer a Complimentary Session

Call me at 510-817-4242 or email me at to schedule a time!


Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair



Leave a Comment