There is a lot of advice directed at single people during the holiday season about how not to feel lonely or eat every single piece of chocolate ever produced. I wonder how many of the articles and blog posts are authored by people who are themselves, single?
Unless you’re like Tom Hanks, stranded on an island and talking to a soccer ball, you are probably not really alone. But not having a sweetheart or a life partner or, for God’s sake, not even a date for the holidays can make you feel deeply alone. Though it feels just lousy, the truth is that most of us have at least one friend left after a lifetime of creating our messes and trying to wipe up after ourselves. Most of us have more than one person who loves us but in our isolation, we seem to forget.
Human beings aren’t meant to be alone at any time of the year except for vision quests and solo retreats designed to bring them back to humanity or escape briefly from children when they are toddlers. Connection is the way all animals survive and thrive, and whether we like to admit it or not, we qualify as a member of that kingdom.
This year, I’ve already started planning my holidays. I don’t want to be Warrior Woman, convince myself I will be just fine doing them alone. I won’t be just fine at all! So, I’m copping to the animal thing…no, I’m not suggesting anything strange here. I’m planning ahead to be sure I have connection and an abundance of contentment.
If your family or friends are far away physically or emotionally, here’s how to find some new ones. Volunteer at a food pantry, soup kitchen, nursing home, children’s services agency, Toys for Tots. Find your favorite kind of family, perhaps of the canine or feline ilk, and surround yourself with the love that giving of yourself can bring. Connect, give, receive and look at next year as an opportunity to perhaps find the next love of your life. For now, experience the feelings holidays can bring when we reach out to those in our lives who love us this year.
It’s never to late or early to begin looking for someone to love. Aren’t you tired of traveling alone, watching the sun set with nobody’s arm around you? If you’re ready to do whatever it takes, you might find the next love of your life before they strike up “Auld Lang Syne”
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Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
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