There’s No Room for Judge Judy



It’s easy to judge from a distance. Like armchair coaching on a Sunday, we truly believe we know what the next move should be or should have been for one or both of them. Worst part is, we believe we are right!


Love and relationships are never a straight line. Each relationship, whether it lasts four months or forty years is like a fingerprint…as unique and complex as the two people who find themselves together. Why is it, then that people feel their advice and point of view is ever “One Size Fits All”?


I’m a believer that every couple has their “gig” and that nobody but the two of them can understand what that is. From the outside, it may look like a match made in hell. We may wonder what on Earth they see in each other, why they stay together or tolerate that kind of behavior. I’m here to tell you that only they can understand the reasons. It’s when our ego takes over even in the well-meaning name of love we can, without meaning to, damage our friendships.


The next time your friend shares a decision she/he has made about their relationship…to stay in it, go back to it, leave someone…unless you know they are in imminent physical danger or truly in an abusive relationship, please stop before you open your mouth and say to yourself, “I’m here to support my friend now. It’s not my job to tell them what to do, but simply to be there and love them as they take the next big risky step into an often dark room where outcomes are yet unseen.” Go ahead…feel your doubt, your anxiety and even your love for that friend who may have sat on your sofa weeping more than once. Commit yourself to being there the next time they need Kleenex, or perhaps need you to hold that bouquet while they place a ring on his finger. You see…always, more will be revealed and it may just surprise the hell out of you and maybe even them!


Trust that we all have a different path to loving someone. No path is the right one, simply the courageous act of loving another as best we can. Most of us have survived hairpin turns and crashes, yet resilient as we are, we rebound, heal and get right back up and do it again. We don’t die from heartbreak and feel more alive when we brush ourselves off and deign to do it yet again. Praise your friends for that courage! Show them that you will be there no matter the twists and turns and if you simply HAVE to say something, ask first if they want to hear what you have to say.


Hooray for the courage to love again and again. And, thank God for friends who will love us through it yet another time.


Are you ready to find love again and share those sunsets with another? No matter what your friends say, it’s worth what it takes to find someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life. Sunsets are more beautiful, travel more fun, and the holidays more beautiful than ever. I’m here to show you the way to love.

To Schedule Your Complimentary Session call me at 510-817-4242

or email me today at

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair   510-827-4242



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