I recently hit the wall , wondering if I had finally come to the place, like my mother did when she was just a few years younger than I am right now. That day she said, “I’m done with men”, and put on her sweatpants and never looked back. The past months had been disappointing in my search for love. Like my Mother, I felt discouraged. I didn’t have the energy to fight it or care if the longing and looking for someone to love again ever returned so I just let it be. Funny thing was, I really enjoyed the peace of mind…until one day, when again I realized that though my life was full and I was loved by so many people, it wasn’t the same as being “in love” with someone who made my life even happier.
Yesterday I got home from Maine where I spent 17 wonderful years. Most of those years were in a relationship with a man who became a great father of our youngest son, and for four years I was a single parent of my two boys. Most of my married friends welcomed me into their families and hearts. I never felt like a “third wheel”, and yet I envied them their long-lasting relationships, always wondering if they could really understand what it feels like to be alone on long winter nights.
Recently, a client was talking about why she was ready to find love, talking about being tired of being alone. She stopped suddenly, mid-sentence and put her hand on her abdomen. “I can feel it here inside and there aren’t words for it”, she said with a sad softness. At that moment, I too felt how deeply painful being alone can feel. That there truly aren’t words for it…the longing to have someone with whom to share the joys and sorrows of life.
That feeling is what creates the hunger that can bring us back when we’re about to give up. It is the starting gate that propels us forward when it’s easier to convince ourselves that it’s not that important, or that our dog’s kisses are enough. And if we’re not careful, that longing can turn into discouragement because it’s not worth being hurt or disappointed again. Today I’m grateful for the return of the longing and my refusal to put on my Mother’s sweat pants…at least for now.
If you too know that longing, I hope you won’t be afraid to feel it, and that you’ll choose to open your heart once again. Put those sweatpants up in the closet for now and take a chance that love is out there if you’ll just keep trying…or begin looking again.
There’s a way to do this to increase your chance of finding love and to avoid the “weeds” of disappointment along the way (most of the time, anyway). I’m happy to share my experience with you and be your guide to loving again.
Want to learn more about “Finding Love in 90 Days”? Give me a call at 510-817-4242 to schedule Complimentary Session to see if you’re ready to find someone with whom to share those sunsets and winter nights by the fire.
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair