Or a nice woman. It’s our dream and a lofty goal, isn’t it? And yet, most of us in the dating world struggle with it in some way.
Perhaps we long for someone who is there for us, listens when we talk, cares when we’re sick, and tells us often how much they love the way we laugh, or how sexy it is when he starts a fire on a cold morning. It’s the stuff that dreams are made of. And then, we meet him and we don’t trust it. The shoe is bound to drop. Remember that last guy who played the part, until he lost it because we didn’t agree with him or the way he treated us? We KNEW how to handle that scene. But, no drama…and no shoe drops and we begin to feel uneasy.
How do you know you’ve met a healthy, imperfect but basically great person? I say it often, and it bears saying again…you don’t until some time passes and you have a crisis, a flat tire or get lost when he/she follows the directions you were sure would get you there. And yet, you can look for some things that I consider clues. Here are things I look for:
- Does he/she listen as much as talk?
- Are they curious about who you are and want more information about your life?
- If you meet online, once the contact is made and interest shown, does he/she keep a timely flow of conversation going or disappear for days in between each email or phone call?
- What do they say about their “Exes”?
- Do you hear them own their part in past relationship issues?
- Do they take initiative in planning dates and finding a fair way to share the drives if there is distance between you?
- Does she/he have a positive outlook on life most of the time?
- How does he/she solve problems and deal with conflict?
- Do you love love love their smile? Do you see it often?
Look for these things…and most importantly, if you don’t trust him/her when you actually find them, look closely at yourself and your history. If this is the first truly nice man/woman you’ve been with, be patient with yourself. When we’ve had negative experiences in relationships what is most damaged is our own trust in ourselves. We fear “doing it again”. We might do just that, but keep your eye on the prize. One day, he will show up and it’s then you’ll begin to get used to the joy and peace and all the fun relationships can be when two people, two NICE people come together in real love.
Have you been looking for a nice person to love? Thought you found them, then had your heart broken? Nervous now, or think they aren’t out there?
Give me a call for a Complimentary Session so we can find a way to get you back out there with confidence!
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”
Donna’s Big RED Chair