Those of us who are thrown/cast/sentenced to being back out in the land of dating and mating after 60 often want many of the same things. Who doesn’t want someone that looks younger than their age, sexy and passionate, adventurous, kind, romantic and of course “has no baggage”? Just like when we were teenagers, truth be known, we want pretty much the same qualities PLUS the wisdom and experience 60 plus years brings. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the movie version of romance right to the last day of my sweet life. But, here’s something none of us wants…
We phrase it differently because to even think it makes us feel like a heel. Some say, “I don’t want someone I have to push in a wheelchair.” We think someone younger, even by 3-4 years, will mean we can travel together, build that vacation home that is still on our bucket list or just give us more time than someone our own age, or a year older. We bargain with time and in the process, deny what none of us wants to face as older adults who so want to love again.
Denial can be a wonderful thing. All of us use it in our lives in one way or another. That first look in the mirror in the morning says, “OMG! Who the hell is that?” The minute we look away, our heart and soul resets itself to age 35. Off we go into the day, the same person we once were. Everybody else looks “their” age. We notice someone on the bus with a walker and think, “Poor thing!” but every cell in us is 35 and will be that way forever. Thank Mother Nature for that denial. It does keep us living our lives, staying curious and on the dance floor for salsa lessons.
There is, however a downside. The illusion that perfect or almost perfect health will always be there for us. Illness may happen to others, but not to us. We think age is always the determining factor in when our health issues might occur or grow larger and more serious. And the big one…that our hearts won’t shatter when we lose someone we love. You see, all that bargaining we do is really our fear of losing the love and the lover we so desperately seek.
Nothing guarantees us one more moment of life or great health. Authors who write the books about running, eating the world’s healthiest diet, meditating your way to long life died well before 75, and still we think we will live forever.
So, how do we open our hearts to love as we age? Do we want it badly enough to push past the denial, open our hearts to each other knowing that life is a precious second at the time no matter what age we are? Do we go on our journey willing to do whatever it takes to find love knowing that also means “for better or worse”? Most importantly, is love worth the certainty that we will eventually feel the pain of loss?
Love is our choice now. We no longer have to find a partner to have a family or work so hard to send our kids to college Now it’s about us and living life our way. Today it’about tenderness, sweetness, willingness to be there to make life better than it might be alone. There’s such freedom now to truly choose love. Yes, it has a cost… and it’s a precious opportunity for happiness. How will you choose to see it? Why not go forward, eyes wide open, take the plunge and enjoy every sweet second of it?
Are you ready to find the next love of your life? Unsure where to begin or not having much luck in your search?
I’d love to be your guide.
Give me a call at 510-817-4242 to schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session
Maybe you’ll be sharing the holidays with someone special by starting your journey to love today!
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair