Wouldn’t it be wonderful to meet someone special in a comfortable setting rather than going online? I certainly think so. Meeting at an event where there’s something to talk about that you know you have in common makes the questions flow because you have a “natural” jumping in place. You’ve both just seen an amazing speaker at the college, or at intermission you’re still humming a song the performer just sang, and you’re waiting in line for a glass of wine. It’s an opportunity that makes talking and getting to know someone comfortable and easy.
I think the ideal way to meet is when I friend who really knows me and cares about me says, “Hey, Donna. I know this guy that I bet you would really like. Why don’t I invite him to dinner and you can meet him?” I trust my friend really does know who I am and what’s important to me in a relationship, so heck yeah!
I’m here to tell you, that has never happened. Not EVER. Why is that? Surely we must all know one single person that we like and feel is “Donna-worthy” to riff on Seinfeld a bit.
So, curious as to why this doesn’t happen in my life, I asked my long-time friend from Maine why he never set me up with anyone when I lived there for 13 years, some of those as a single woman. He didn’t even have to noodle it for a minute. Without hesitation he said, “Because”, laughing right out loud, he said, ” I know all those guys too well. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I think most of us do know single people who might be great matches, or at least a good date for our single friends. But maybe, just maybe we were with those friends during the worst of their marriages, contentious divorces, or handed them Kleenex when their hearts were broken. We’ve seen them in perhaps one or two relationships that didn’t work and perhaps now are left with our own judgments and holdover feelings about who we think they are and will be in their next relationship. We can’t imagine they might be different, happier, kinder when they meet someone new and different. So, instead of helping them find someone, we check in on them on a Saturday night to see how they’re doing (alone).
James Gandolfini and Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in an amazing movie, “Enough Said”, 2013. I learned something so important from Gandolfini’s last role. We are never the same person we were when we meet someone new. The very presence of another person’s uniqueness will bring out aspects of us that didn’t get a chance to shine or even to show up in an earlier relationship. So, how important is it to ask or judge or assume anything or anyone will be or do the same things they did before? And, friends need to ask that question of us and open up those “Contacts” in their phones to look at who they’d like to invite to dinner…and soon.
I’d LOVE to hear from you in the comments section if you have any other ideas about why friends don’t introduce you to people they know who are single? I’m so curious?????
Are you tired of watching sunsets alone? If you’re ready to find your next love, maybe before the holidays arrive…I can show you the way!
Call me at 510-817-4242 or email firstname.lastname@example.org for a
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Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
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