What the Heck Happened to my Lake??


As many of you know, I am in the middle of a huge change in my life. In April I left my tiny cocoon of a home…my tree house by the Bay, not knowing what was next. Though the brave little warrior me said it was an adventure, the little girl has been fighting the dragons of fear and panic most every day. Hey, I do this kind of thing for work, shepherding people through their lives and all the changes that breathing in this world requires. I knew it would be hard, and yet I couldn’t have imagined the deeper feelings that I have experienced in not having a home. There are days when my “toolbox” of strategies is empty and it’s then I do what I hope you do when faced with big changes in your life. I cry, then I pick up the phone and say, “Help!”. Thank God, those amazing people who’ve loved me in better times, I find, are still right there for me.


Walking is my “go-to” joy in life. I write most of my blogs when I walk, sort my monkey-mind crazies, feel the beauty of the world, and sometimes cry from it’s ugliness. Seems the times are showing us a lot of ugliness.


Yesterday morning I headed out to a lake in San Francisco where  I used to walk every day when I first moved to the City in 2011. The wildlife was amazing then…Red Wing Blackbirds were abundant and almost over the top with song, and I could wade through the reeds and watch the ducks in their sanctuary. I couldn’t wait to get there to those old familiar places and sit and have a cup of tea.


I parked next to a friendly couple, locked my handbag in the trunk, grabbed my tea and my phone (for the camera) and with such anticipation began the walk down the hill to the lake. Where was it? Where was the path through the rushes?  It was now overgrown. I couldn’t even see the lake. The ducks were gone, no sounds of Red Wings. And then it hit me. I hadn’t been to that lake in almost 6 years! The rushes had grown. The paths had disappeared. THINGS HAD CHANGED! What’s with that!????? I wanted it to be just like I left it. I loved it that way. Disappointed and struggling to find any beauty out there at all, I kept walking, but I wasn’t happy. Things weren’t the same any more.


Life is by its very nature in change and flux. If you don’t believe it, look at how old John McCain looks, or John Kerry and how fast it seems to have happened.  When I got back to my car, that same nice couple parked next to me were standing by their car, window smashed…someone had broken into their car. They never expected that, and their life was changed. We can’t escape change even though our sweet little lizard brains want more than anything for things to always stay the same. The lizard will lose every time.


Maybe today both you and I can open up to the adventure idea again. Look forward to what’s around the corner. Be ready for anything, but expect goodness. That’s what I’m hoping for this morning. And by the way, I’ll take any wisdom and encouragement you have to offer!


If you’re tired of watching sunsets alone and want that to change, just call me or email me so we can talk about how you can create a change in the kind of love you can find.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love


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