What’s Wrong With The “Irish Goodbye”?


Lately, I’ve been swimming in the pool of online dating. It’s there that we can save ourselves a lot of money on therapy and where after a month or two, might feel like we need therapy five days a week.


We can think we’ve pretty much got it all together in our lives, and perhaps in most areas, we’re doing pretty dang well. And then, the gut starts to churn, we find ourselves ruminating…usually about times when he said/she said or did_________. It’s then we know we’re not so sparkly clean and free from the debris loving always leaves behind.


I’m old school I guess, and perhaps my expectations of myself and other human beings are too high, but I am a believer in courtesy, kindness, respect and following the Golden Rule that seems to have merit enough to show up in every religion and spiritual practice including California’s favorite…agnosticism. Even nature asks that when we hike or camp that we leave the forest as we found it, or on a good day, better than we found it.


They call it “ghosting” now though some of us know it as the “Irish goodbye”, and when it happens to us, we only feel it as ” being abandoned”. Not one of us gets out of this life without having been left by someone and it always leaves a scar because we’re human. This is why we should really think before we leave without saying goodbye.


When a friend hurts us, disappoints or makes us angry, who doesn’t want to walk away and never come back? It’s the easy way and they deserve it, right? When you have a lovely conversation with a new person you’ve met at a party, or online and it ends with, “Let’s have lunch and talk some more about this!”. When someone in that pool of humans seeking love sends you an email, and you’re not interested, what should you do?


It takes courage to tell your friend they hurt you or made you angry. It takes nothing to walk away. It takes a few precious minutes of your time to say “Thank you for contacting me…” when he/she sends you that email that it took courage for them to even risk writing. And, for God’s sake, if you don’t want to have lunch with them, don’t say you do!


Life is hard for all of us in many ways. Our souls are tender. We need more and more to be treated well by one another so that some days it fuels us to take one more step. Let’s remember those bruises in ourselves, know that we all have them, and finish what we started with courage. It’s OK to say you don’t want to be friends any more. That you aren’t interested in him/her. But, have the courage and caring to finish what you started. You’ll feel better and I can promise you, that other person will too.


Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair


510-817-4242    www.donnasbigredchair.love

Are you a hopeless romantic and tired of watching sunsets alone? Ready to share this next amazing chapter of your life with someone special? I can show you the way.

Call me at 510-817-4242 and let’s see if we’re a match to help you find

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