This morning I walked down the boardwalk where I live, meandering towards the marina. There’s a tree that’s bare now right on my path. I can’t explain it. Every single time of day that I manage to get off my butt and head out into that beautiful walk, there’s a hummingbird sitting on the same branch in that same tree. He/she’s there morning, noon and until it’s too dark for me to really know. That tiny creature has been in that spot 90% of the time over the past four years! If you are an ornithologist, PLEASE stop my obsessive “WHY IS HE STILL THERE?”.
Every time I see him, I smile and sometimes stop to chat with the tiny thing. “Why are you always here?”, I ask it. “There’s a beautiful Bay, tons of flowering trees around and yet you just stay in the same tree, and on the same branch for God’s sake!”. He says zippo and I walk on still wondering why he doesn’t venture out.
Truth is, he pushes my buttons. I see myself in that hummer. I feel the same comfort he must feel by staying put. It’s low risk behavior and I happen to love low-risk, familiar, same-old-same-old in many areas of my life. Like right now. I have to find a new place to live and it’s just agonizing, not only because I live in the second most expensive area in the United States, but also I have to move from everything and everyone I have come to love here. Maybe that sweet little hummer feels that way about his tree.
I became aware lately of something I’m kinda embarrassed about but can’t seem to do one thing about it. Whenever I am sad, afraid or want to stay on my familiar “branch” in whatever form that takes, my mind will auto-revert without my intention or permission right back to a man that I loved for a chapter in my life. Most often, it’s the one that was most recently in my life, but not always. I remember how sweet he was, it was, we were. The times we had hiking, eating amazing food, drinking fabulous wine, travelling together…and other things I won’t elaborate about. In an instant, my mind goes from fear of change, the aloneness that is part of something like moving, to the memories of comfort, closeness and yes, being taken care of. It reminds me of a homing pigeon…only one way and that’s back home every time to those memories. It offers some comfort and certainty in the scariness of change. And often I’m tempted to pick up the phone and say, “I miss you.” What’s missing from my memory bank right then is the why. Why didn’t we stay together? What happened that made that relationship impossible? And, truth is when I’m afraid of the unknown, I seem not to recall the “worst of times” but simply “the best of times”.
Thank God before I hit that send button that can open me up to further hurt, I take a deep breath and DO recall the worst of times. It’s that truth that will enable me, and hopefully you to realize we will survive the change. And, if I can’t keep my trigger finger off that “Send” button, I’ll make sure the name of someone I can trust and who loves me is in that Recipient line.
Are you ready to get off that branch, to find someone to share this amazing chapter of your life…watching sunsets, making great memories together?
Give me a call so we can get to know each other and enjoy a Complimentary Strategy Session that can get you flying toward love again!
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”
Donna’s Big RED Chair