Jerking Your Heart Around




When I was a little girl, my Daddy had a favorite prank he’d pull on Valentine’s Day. Now, you gotta know that he was one of the kindest, funniest men on the planet…certainly in that little town of Rocky Mount, North Carolina.


We’d go down across the railroad tracks that ran right through the center of town to the Walgreen’s to pick out our Valentines. Remember the ones in that cheap cardboard package covered in cellophane and coming four to a page? The messages were carefully prepared so you could give them to friends and then there was that “special” one that you saved for the one you hoped really liked you the way you liked them.


Daddy would choose the biggest ones. Using his hole-puncher off the bread truck he drove, he’d make a hole for the string to go through. Then, just full of spit and vinegar, we’d head out to the neighbors’ houses! Daddy would  hide down in the hydrangea bushes in front of the porch, holding the string attached to that Valentine. My job was to lay the Valentine on the porch right in front of the screen door, knock and try to keep from giggling while I jumped off the porch, joining my Daddy in the mischief.


Everybody had a porch in the South. How else could you keep up with what was going on in the neighborhood? And, at night moths would cover the porch lights, but the neighbors could still see that Valentine laying there. I almost died from waiting, but sure enough soon I’d hear the scraping of the aluminum door, see a big smile on their face as they reached down to pick up the Valentine. Then quick as a rabbit,  Daddy’d jerk the string, pulling it right out from under them and we’d jump up together yelling, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”.  It was a crazy way to spend Valentine’s Day, but I loved it!


I was thinking about that story today as I headed out for my walk and not sure at first what prompted that memory. And then I realized that though it was fun to share that prank with my Daddy, in real life when someone had jerked my real heart around, it was deeply painful.


Many of us have had people in our lives who couldn’t “do” relationships. They’re in, they’re out, they want it but they just can’t put both feet on the same side of the door. It’s “too fast” for them or they only want it when they want it. They get angry, sulk, withdraw and you don’t know what you did to “cause it”. Your head spins trying to figure it out until one day, if you’re lucky and smart, you realize it isn’t about you at all!


If this sounds familiar and somewhere along the line, you decided it WAS about you or that your “chooser” is broken, I’m here to tell you, you can find someone who doesn’t jerk your heart around. They are out there looking for you too. It takes some effort to get past the limiting beliefs about yourself, men and women, and how to find your next love. If you’re an adventurous romantic, you won’t let the past keep you down!


Are you ready to find someone who IS truly ready for love? Ready to do whatever it takes to find someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life?  
Then, call me today at 510-817-4242 or email me at to schedule your Complimentary Strategy Session. Your new year can be filled with love!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair





  1. Raymond Rodriguez on November 28, 2016 at 8:32 am

    In 2017 Ted and I will celebrate our silver anniversary, 25 years of love and struggle. Our relationship has been a challenge and one of growth. We have learned about our strengths, limitations and how to compliment each other. We have grown to be a team.

    We are very fortunate to live in a time when same sex relationships have been given validity and we are an important part of our “blood” families.

    We look forward to continuing to share our lives with our families and friends. We are entering the later part of our lives and look forward to continuing to be loving and supportive of one another.

    • admin on November 28, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Big time congratulations!!! Relationships are work as well as joy, aren’t they? And yet, in order to really love, sooner or later, you just have to put both feet down and do everything you can to love each other through thick and thin! You have done it for 25 years and I know there’s been a lot of thick and thin!

  2. Pam Schaeffer on November 28, 2016 at 11:20 am

    Lovely story…one that is all too prevalent. I think many of us have been on both sides of this fence. Sometimes it’s as hard being the ” jerker” as it is the “jerkee” (sp?).

    • admin on November 28, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      Most of us have had times where we weren’t sure, weren’t able or just didn’t know how to stay put. So, here’s to empathy while at the same time, learning to take good care of our sweet selves!

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