Does It Matter What Your Friends Think?




Friends can be a really important source of honest feedback when we want it or when we don’t. They can see things we might miss and they can project their unfinished business on our lives and a burgeoning new relationship we’ve just begun to explore.


First of all, friends take many forms and we need to know which friends to ask when we want some guidance. You see, each of us has our gifts and talents in the scheme of life. Some of our friends are great when we need encouragement to take risks. They cheer us on when we say, “I gotta get out of this job!” Another friend may not be a risk taker and the very thought of you saying you are going to start a new venture terrifies them. To reduce THEIR anxiety, those  friends will  try to squash that idea before it even comes out of your mouth. Be sure, however to go to them when you are trying to decide which microwave is the best value!


When you meet a new person and your lives begin to merge in wonderful ways, friends, yours and theirs, will be part of that mix. It’s important however that you and your new sweetheart take time to get to know each other before those intros begin.


It’s an odd thing, but in my experience men seem to have some need to introduce you to their old girlfriends. Unlike women, they often stay in touch with them over time.  I’m not sure about the reasons for this interesting gender difference, but it can be  strange and unnerving to me if that happens even before he knows my favorite restaurant, or that I have a shellfish allergy. Your new relationship really needs a more firm foundation before you add intros to your old flames. Better yet, perhaps the question is whether those intros needs to happen at all


At some point, it’s  important to meet each other’s friends. They can give you valuable information about him or her. But spend enough time as a new couple experiencing  both joyful and more stressful situations so that as my BFF says, ” you can see how he behaves when a tire goes flat.” Develop your own feelings and opinions and continue to keep your eyes wide open early in your relationship so that  friends can add to what you already know or feel. They may see things you haven’t yet seen and those observations might turn out to be really valuable when your own head comes out of the pink cloud.  Trust yourself first, then you will be able to listen with an open mind to what others who love you feel about your new-found love.

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