Going the Distance…How Far From Home Do You Search?




Living in a traffic-congested area can give new meaning to “long-distance dating”. I live a stone’s throw from the most congested traffic merging zone in the entire state of California and can watch the crawl on the “80’s” when I’m having trouble sleeping at night. It’s bad! So, when single folks are looking for love and live in an area where traffic controls their lives, dating someone across the bridge can be as challenging as if they lived across the country.


Fortunately, most people don’t have traffic crazies most of the time, so the choices about how far someone lives from them isn’t as much an issue. Some people live in isolated areas, however. Sweet small towns where people know your business before you do. There is not an endless supply of “fresh flesh” coming into town, so what do you do about that??  And, believe it or not, some people have more than one home, so how do you find love when you are on the move? I’m suddenly feeling like that traffic thing isn’t so bad after all.


Here are a few things to think about when you are deciding how far you can go (no, not that!).

  1. How far are you willing to drive should that person you meet for coffee turn out to be someone you’d swim the Amazon to see again? It can happen.
  2. How flexible is your life that might enable you to travel during off-peak traffic jam hours?
  3. If that person lives in a city where you’ve always said, “I’d never live there!”, consider what you would do if he/she wasn’t able or willing to move
  4. Living on an island or peninsula is fabulous, but limiting. How open are you to meeting people outside your immediate surrounds? Once again…if it is “the one”, are you flexible about moving or is he/she? And, how do you find that out when you begin to date without sounding like a desperate person who is asking about that wayyyyyy too early?
  5. What if you see in someone’s profile that they live and work in a city and they state they are looking for someone within 5 miles of their address, but you REALLLY want to meet them? Do you contact them anyway?

These questions come up often when we are dating online. The answer is a very personal one, but there are a few things that I think apply to us all…

  1. If you know you are going to be carried out feet first from the house or space where you currently live, honor it and look for someone who might like to join you right where you are.
  2. Open to adventure? The world is your oyster and you can have fun meeting people all over the country, the world or perhaps even someone who plans to be on Elon Musk’s first passenger shuttle to Mars.
  3. Closer to home, but traffic is an issue? Be sure that both people are realistic and willing to do the drive and figure it out. If you feel resistance at the early stages such as, “Good Lord, I’m not gonna do that again!” be a realist and enjoy your coffee before you say “good luck in finding someone.

It’s up to you to decide how flexible or committed you are to living here, there or anywhere. If you are certain about that issue, don’t waste your time or another person’s time getting to know them. If on the other hand, some part of you says, “I want love and will stay open to finding it wherever it is.”Then keep looking for love and imagine that the person you are seeking feels the same. See what happens. Sometimes we end up in places we never ever thought we’d be. It keeps us young and vibrant to embrace change and love is most always worth it.

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