Recently a man who is a real sweetheart of a guy told me I was really beautiful. Don’t we all want to hear that from a great guy? I realized, right away that he was right. I am beautiful.
I have spent a lifetime getting to that place where I truly do believe I am beautiful inside and out. And, even more importantly, when that chorus starts to chime in and try and take that from me, it is so faint I can barely hear it. You know the members of that chorus I bet. “That’s really self-absorbed of you!” is the lead singer. Her backup chorus sounds like this…”What? With those ugly knees?”, “Skinny Minnie”, “You better not be smarter than him”, Who do you think you are?” “No man is going to want you, so you had better take whoever you can get”.
Are any of these in your chorus? Well, it is way past time for an exorcism! And with the advent of a new year, there is no better time than the present to get going.
New Year’s Eve is almost here and with it can come loneliness and wanting. Who wants to spend it alone watching the ball drop over Times Square while feeling guilty that you drank the whole damned bottle of bubbly? If you like spending it alone, consider yourself one of the lucky ones or ask yourself if it’s because it’s just too risky to put yourself out there to find love.
Finding the love you want and deserve in this life will require something of you and this year is the time to get crackin”. Learning to love yourself is NUMERO UNO. If you don’t, you’ll be tempted to imitate a clam and ain’t nobody gonna get in there.
How do you do that? Here’s how I did it…
- I wanted love badly enough to decide to do the work and I didn’t let being disappointed or getting my butt kicked stop me.
- I found some wonderful books that got me going, thinking and wanting more.
- I stopped being angry that I had to do it for myself and that there was no Prince.
- I took baby steps to give myself what I always expected and wanted that Prince to give to me.
- I adopted a mantra to help me with my fear…and sometimes terror about being alone and it went like this for me…”At this moment, I have everything I need.”
- I made a gratitude list or at night before I went to sleep, I counted those things rather than sheep.
- I treated myself in small ways on a regular basis so I could feel abundance. A candle, some soap, a mocha at Peet’s, a trip to Marshall’s for something soft and beautiful.
- I occasionally asked for help from a therapist or a coach.
- I found the courage to end relationships that were not healthy for me.
- I learned compassion for myself and learned to treat myself as tenderly as I treated my children and now my grandchildren.
This New Year, begin the journey toward finding love by learning to love yourself. You will need a complete, albeit flawed, self to take with you into a truly healthy and happy relationship. Perhaps by next year, a nice man will tell you how beautiful you are and you can just say, “Thank you.” And if he hasn’t arrived, you will still be beautiful.