The upside of online dating is the smorgasbord of faces you see when you hit that “Matches” tab. We won’t talk about how many of them you really want to see, but you have to admit there are a lot of them staring at you.
The downside is that sometimes you see someone you dated, and sometimes, sadly, someone you loved very much. In a flash, you feel surprise, shock, anger, sadness, guilt, shame, regret, and if you loved them, more sadness. Maybe I need to stop this online thing crosses your mind. In short, it really doesn’t feel good.
What does it mean? You aren’t over him or her? It’s too soon to be out there again? You might make the same “mistake” again? They are all “like that”? What is wrong with me? I didn’t know what I had?
Here’s what it means…you are really normal. All those feelings, memories, questions are there and that’s just the way love works. It’s one of the most powerful experiences life has to offer and even with the barrage of feelings at seeing him/her, love is so worth it.
Sometimes we need the anger to separate from someone. Without it we would never move on, open our hearts and jump into that abyss again. And, while we work through loss and move toward acceptance, anger can continue to serve us, reminding our sweet souls of what we learned and will try to change the next time we have an opportunity to love again.
If, however we get stuck in the quagmire that anger can be, it’s not serving us and in fact, will keep us from finding love again. A balancing act of feeling justifiable anger and looking at the things you loved about him/her and about yourself when you were together is what will get you there. Let the anger be your guide to change. Allow the good feelings to flow too. Thank the person with your compassionate heart while holding on to the promise you made to yourself to do something differently next time. Stay open to the next time.