Do You Have a Problem with Urgency?

201110-orig-woman-talking-to-man-949x534I’m not talking about the kind the drug companies are more than happy to offer you drugs to fix. It’s that urge to talk when the man in your life, or who used to be in your life wants exactly the opposite.


As women, we really need connection. When it isn’t there, we can feel like a fish out of water. If only we could talk to him, he would “get it” and things would be better, resolved, or just feel better. Alas, one of life’s little jokes is that men, when faced with emotion, indecision, confusion or just uncomfortable with their feelings or our feelings, want to be alone. It’s that “man cave” kind of place where they want to go breathe, turn on a football game, run 6 miles…anything but talk to us. What was nature thinking????


What can we do when the urgency to communicate pushes us to the brink? Anything but hit the SEND button. Yes, write it all down on a legal pad, all the things you want and need to say to him. Don’t censor it, don’t judge it and by all means, use every single expletive you can conjure up. Cry, scream, call a girlfriend, make an appointment with your counselor or coach. Just don’t speak right now.


When is the right time to talk to him? When he is ready. Sometimes that will be hours, other times weeks. And, sadly, some men may not ever want to process with you about a situation. If that is that is the case, then you might want to rethink the relationship because women do have to resolve things, talk about it and use their beautiful voices. It’s not all about him. It’s about both of you.


Now, today if you want to call him or can’t wait for him to get home so you can talk about “it”, pause. Tell him, “I have something I want to talk about. Will you tell me when you are ready to do that?” And then, even if you feel like a dog with a bone, put the bone down and find something you love to do.  And just wait…

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