As we float around on the pink cloud, every conversation bringing new information and undying curiosity, we begin to get the pieces of the puzzle one by one. Each piece necessary to complete the picture of this person who has come into our lives.
If your prospective Prince Charming rode in on Match.com some of those puzzle pieces have been delivered, and your script is already being created.
Maybe a friend is introducing you to someone this weekend. You checked her out on LinkedIn. Maybe you Googled her? Scrambling for more information before your dinner date will give you some understanding of just who she is...or will it?
You hit it off and decide to meet up a week later for drinks at a trendy bar. Now, the “third date rule”appears…you know that one, right? It’s more than the drinks…ready to go to the next level, your initial information gathering done, both of you “bewitched, bothered and less bewildered”, you climb under the sheets you bought just for this occasion.
It was lovely. She is lovely. For some, a “pact” has now been made. For others…not so much. You didn’t plan on feeling this way about her. How inconvenient. Now, you are in it up to your eyeballs and there is no “Undo” button by the bedside table.
As much as you want not to say it, you wonder “What does this mean to you?” What are the expectations (some hear the word, “rules”) from here moving forward? Before you can stop yourself, you are talking about monogamy, relationship, maybe even commitment. At the very least, you want to know that you aren’t second only to a disposable diaper. The moment of truth, or A moment of truth has arrived whether you are ready or not.
She says, “let’s just be ‘in the now'”. He says, “I just want it to be moment to moment. We don’t need to know anything except that we enjoyed being with each other, right?” I don’t know what comes next for you, but I do know this can be a defining moment, not just for the “relationship”, but for how this is going to turn out.
Right here, right now truly is all we have when we meet a new person. But rather than write the script with the Hollywood ending, if you don’t want your heart broken, you simply must listen to the words you hear from this person who has come into your life.
Here are some real time things that men who have come into my life told me very early on.
“I am not very good at relationships.”
“If you want to have dinner, you are going to have to do the driving. I just don’t feel like it.”
“I have been married twice and what I know is that kind of ‘thing’ just doesn’t work.”
“I am never going to get myself into a situation where I can’t do what I want to do when I want to do it.”
“This is me. Take it or leave it. You just need to accept me the way I am.”
Here is the point of all this. Know yourself and accept lovingly who you are and what you need in a relationship. And, stay open to the fact that what you needed and wanted may evolve over time and perhaps you not only don’t want to share your sweet little house with her, even her leaving a toothbrush behind doesn’t make you happy. AND, look for the deep values that are yours and whatever you do, don’t compromise them. Another prince is out there who shares those with you. Go ahead, turn on the light, say things like…”well, that is too bad. I really liked him.” and then, keep searching.