That’s great if I am in a magic show but really sad when it’s my relationship with a man.
When I meet someone I show up as myself without any parts missing. Before I even know what’s happened, I look in the mirror and parts of me aren’t there. Well, maybe it’s a metaphor, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
As empathic as they come, some would call me a caretaker and I would argue until the cows come home that it’s “because I love him”. You see, I do love him and somewhere in the process of showing him just how much I care, I forget one important thing…ME.
Do I want to go to his relatives cocktail party? Not really. Do I go? Of course…because I love him. Have I heard his unhappiness about his job? Late at night, early in the morning, right after sex, while I am in the shower and am I tired of hearing about it? You bet your bippy…but, I want to “be there for him”. Am I disappointed that he doesn’t want to go dancing or see that art exhibit with me? Yep…but, “if he doesn’t want to go, that’s OK”. Pretty soon my routines change. I don’t hike any more or take a walk in the morning because I want to be with him and “share my morning” even when he wakes up grumpy and wants to be left alone to his morning routine (which he says he “must have”). So…are you getting the picture or what’s left of it??
Is it his fault that I disappear? Absolutely not. He doesn’t even know it is happening. There I am saying “yes”, not expressing how disappointed I am about dancing, and he loves having his coffee brought to him. Who wouldn’t??
Hanging on to ourselves in relationships is a woman’s greatest challenge. Don’t try and get a man to understand this. He can’t and it’s likely he will scratch his head and ask, “Why are you doing that?” What would you say?