I am the first person to tell my friends and clients not to make assumptions about someone when you are considering dating them, especially if they are online. How much, for God’s sake can we tell about a person from a rather one-dimensional look at a written profile and a few bad photos?
The only way relationships between men and women can survive over time is by listening to each other. That means, turning off the phones, not talking while you text or walk on a treadmill. The old fashioned way….sitting down in a quiet place and making eye and heart contact.
Both men and women share at least one thing in common, the need to be heard and understood. That is biology, not preference. Imagine if the Neanderthals even in their primitive conversational style couldn’t be sure others understood them? They would have frozen to death, and that is how it feels when we are sharing ourselves, our stories, and our questions with another person who can’t or won’t listen…it is freezing in here!!
So, here is a tip for your online or real-time dating experience. I call it “The Three-Strike Rule”:
If you are with someone and you notice that after talking with them on three separate occasions they are not asking about your day, or curious about your life, it is a big old sign!!!! Talking only about ourselves tells the other person we only care about ME ME and did I say ME?? Curiosity and questions lobbed back over the net make a conversation. One-way conversations are speeches!
Now…don’t jump on it like lint on a black suit! It might be nerves. It takes a lot of those to even put ourselves out there! So take it easy when you first meet someone. If after the “nervous Nellie” time has passed, she/he still breaks the record for using “Me, My, and did I say, I?” in conversations, time to get back out there!