Ask for What You Are Worth

Gold bars

We most often associate this idea with getting a new job or pricing your services when you are self-employed, but when you begin a new love relationship, it is also good advice.

I once said goodbye to a man I cared deeply about. Our relationship resembled a video of two human beings shot out of a slingshot and played forward and backward repeatedly. Two bright, insightful and conscious people, our time together was intensely joyful with equal measure of pain and sadness and through it all, we really did love each other.


The details don’t matter and they are deeply personal. What matters is that I asked for what I felt I was worth. And just what was that? There is a word I use perhaps more often than many women…”safe”. I needed to feel safe, not just in the sense of physical safety, but emotional safety. After a childhood of anything but safe, I came to realize, tens of thousands of dollars in therapy and workshops later, I needed to feel safe in every way. It is neither unreasonable or unattainable and I know I am worth it. Safety is about trust, integrity and commitments made and kept. It is about action, not words…the present, not the future. Every person has a right to feel safe with their partner, psychically, physically, and emotionally.


So when you find someone you love, always ask for what you deserve. Don’t settle for less and always double check your list to make sure that you are also giving that person the same respect, kindness and safety that hopefully he/she will happily give to you.


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