Last fall I was at a very macho event talking to a woman friend about, guess what? Men.
My friend had been single for many years. Gorgeous and hot at 65-plus years, it would seem that finding a guy would be “like butta’…” , right? Well, not so much.
I was thinking a lot about the issue of settling, so asked her what she thought the difference was between settling and compromising, and like a racehorse after the bugle, she began rattling off her “grocery list” of what she was and was not looking for in a man. The list looked more like a novel and though I knew she wasn’t ever going to settle, it was suddenly clear to me why she might still be single.
There is no ideal partner unless we “Copy” and “Paste” and I don’t’ think even Steve Jobs had that figured out. When you are looking for a someone to love, keep your list of non-negotiables short by asking one question: “How important is it…really?” Be willing t0 refine that list, to compromise while still holding on to the things that are truly vital to a healthy, happy relationship. If, however, you are looking for someone with no “baggage”it might be time to go online to see if Mr or Ms. Right has been created inside one of those Silicon Valley start-ups!
“Settling” occurs when we “know better” and make a choice to get into or stay in a relationship because of fear of being alone or, God forbid, having to get back into the freezing waters of the dating pool. The crazy belief that there is nobody else out there that will want to be with us can convince us to settle for what we have even when it overrides our own truth about what we want and need to be happy.
When we settle, over time we will corrode. It is slow, insidious and tricky like a fox, but our soul absolutely knows the truth and keeps stubbornly tapping us on the shoulder. That sweet soul works so hard to tell us we are worth more than crumbs, reminding us that life is short and precious, and even though change is scary, that we will land on our feet.
Identify the things you MUST have in a relationship and stick to your guns! Stay open to the rest. Then have the courage to GO FOR IT! There is someone out there who will rock your world and you will rock theirs. Don’t settle for less. Go for the joyous juiciness of the real thing.