What’s the Most Important Thing to Look For?

two drinks

This seems like a “no-brainer”. Why did it sound like new information?


Girls night out at our favorite San Francisco bar and guess what we were talking about? Yep, you got it…men and relationships. Is there anything else to talk about after two Manhattans?


One of my friends, a very hip 40-something had just gotten married a few months ago, and as is the way of all married people, they suddenly have a lot of wisdom for singles. Funny how amnesia can set in the minute we are settled into a relationship. 


We laughed until we cried at the craziness of the dating world, then things got serious because we “seriously” want love in our lives. “You know”, she said, “none of it matters if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.” I felt as if that was new information somehow. Of course he would have to want to be in a relationship, right?


Then, I began to think of all the times a man told me otherwise, and I just refused to believe it. “I am not good relationship material.” ” It never seems to go well for me.” “I want to just be ‘in the moment’.” It all means the same thing…he doesn’t really want to be in a committed relationship. To him, it is the same as BEING committed, confined and co-opted against his will. He simply does not want it.


Relationships can be beautiful, energizing, loving and well worth the work it will take to keep them that way. And…it takes some work and a degree of “wanting” to make it worth doing. 


So, if you want a relationship, make sure that you look for someone who wants that too. A “no-brainer”, right?  Ah, if only it were. 

Leave a Comment