Mothers, Fathers and Love

This morning a man I loved for almost two years told me his mother had passed. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered this gracious beautiful woman that I loved and who at 93 was still “a looker”.


Remembering the men who have been in my life… my own father, husbands, lovers, friends and even my own two amazing sons, I was struck by men’s relationships with their mothers. To say the least, “it’s complicated”.


The young creative musician, John Mayer wrote and performs “Daughters”. Take a minute to listen….


This song says so much about the critical nature of the relationship between fathers and daughters. Research tells us that the most important factor in a woman’s career success is the encouragement given by her father. How many songs or books have been written about mothers and their sons?


In all my relationships with men, my father has been there too. The man I adored shaped me, loved me, disappointed me and left me at an early age. He is woven into the fabric that colors my expectations, wants and fears. 


Most every man I have loved was also molded and shaped by his mother. Their ability to love me, how they perceived women, a willingness to be vulnerable, to trust, express emotions and love (or not) themselves just as they are came from a foundation built by mothers. 


We all bring our parents into every relationship. The good, the bad and the ugly of them. I know one thing for sure…parents do the best they can with what they have to love us. The challenge is to forgive them and do the healing it takes to look at the man/woman in your life, or the one you will meet soon, with fresh, hopeful and loving eyes. 









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