A friend of mine texted me this morning saying she had been in a gerbil wheel all night long wondering if a man she recently met was going to be able to “go the distance”. Viagra takes care of some version of that, but she was talking about her desire for a long term relationship.
How can we know? The answer: time, time and more time with each other. Having flat tires together, getting lost in the City at rush hour, sharing a bed with a Golden Retriever, getting through an argument and still feeling respected and heard.
Paying attention to how we feel when we are with someone is always a wise path. Words like safe, happy, joy, peaceful…all important to notice. And how much of the time when we are together and apart do we feel those feelings? In a healthy relationship the answer is “most of the time”.
We bring our own histories into every single new relationship and with the histories, our blinders and filters. When something happens we need to ask ourselves if this is current or old history. Because we are human, most of us have a tendency to repeat our histories, choosing similar people with issues that make us say, “I’ve been here before.” When we can see that, choice once again is our friend. We can take another path. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. But we CAN do it.
After you screen for “history vs. the present”, check in with your gut. In there is truth. When we are off our path, out of our own integrity whether it is about work, relationships or any choice we are making, the gut is our best source of truth. Take a deep breath and ask for the truth and it WILL be revealed. It is our own denial and fear that cause us to constantly hit the override button.
When you are ready, you will hear what you need to hear and decide what is right for you. Until then, just be kind to yourself while you figure it out.