The light of autumn to winter in Northern California is amazing. Skies are so clear and blue some days you think you must be living in a painting. Salmon colored sunrise, early sunsets of indigo and saffron. Winter has arrived.
I walk every day not because my healthcare provider says it is a good idea, but I simply have to do it. When I was a little girl in rural North Carolina I walked down the dirt roads through pine forests with the only friends I needed, my dogs and my very creative mind. Funny, I never felt alone playing all day in the woods or fishing in my grandfather’s pond. I was quite enough.
I haven’t changed much. I live in a city now, and have found a home on the water where despite being only a stone’s throw from the busiest part of any California freeway, it is quiet and peaceful. I walk by the Bay alongside a beautiful marina with dreamy boats named things like, “Night Heron” and “Serendipity” while I look for a Golden Retriever to cuddle… and thinking of the happy times when I had both a dog and a man to cuddle.
As night falls, though I love being alone with only myself to please and to answer to, I also want a partner in life to share what my crazy wonderful mind has created on those walks. I want to hear about his day, no matter how mundane. And as the evening darkness arrives, I want to disappear for awhile into that surrender of knowing love.
Maybe all of us long for love, though many people I know are quick to say they are “done with it”. I often wonder if it might be easier to be done with it myself, but for me the eternal optimist and lover that I am, it simply is not an option.
So, when there are stretches of time when neither man nor beast is in your life, don’t lose faith and whatever you do, don’t lose hope. Love is everywhere every day and the best love of all is what we give to ourselves.