What’s Wrong With Him?

man on a dating site



“So, what’s wrong with him that he is not in a relationship?”


You really have to take a minute to think about this question. It partly makes sense, and it’s utterly ridiculous. Funny thing is I have not only asked myself that question many times, it is often the first question my friends ask when I tell them I just met a man I really like.


Underlying this question is the assumption that people who are not in a relationship are deficient, crazy or just can’t make them work. And below that, another deeper-seated belief that perhaps “single” is synonymous to “less than….”. Being partnered is the brass ring in our culture. We never ask, “What’s wrong with him for being married?”.


Sad thing, many “singles” already believe something must be wrong with them or Mr. Right would be on his way home from the office right now. Lord knows, we have mental whiplash already. 


Let’s set the record straight. Many people, over 47% in fact are single in the United States whether by choice, death of a partner, or they are in-between relationships. Over 50% of the homes in the City of San Francisco have only one person living in them! As important as the stats is the feeling that we are judged by the culture and sometimes those closest to us as not having what it takes to find love.


So, what is wrong with him or her that they are “still single”? Maybe they are  single because they haven’t found the person that is right for them. Perhaps they have been learning, reading, attending workshops and waiting until they are healthy and healed enough to find just the person they’ve been waiting for. Could it be that they are courageous, discriminating, smart people who love life and themselves when they’re alone or in-between relationships? 


And of course, most of us know that it could be indeed, there IS a reason he isn’t in a relationship. There are books written on that, and some of us could fill a book with our own experience. 


If you frequently say, “what’s wrong with me?” it might be time to get outside for a full screen view. You may need to read some more, get a life coach to help you discover what might help you find love, or get yourself out there. In the meantime, you gotta give yourself a pat on the back for being courageous, determined and willing to do whatever it takes to be ready when he or she is standing there right in front of you. 

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