I trudged home on all manner of public transport this afternoon…the last bus, a chariot from Heaven. Up since 4:30 am, standing for 8 hours on what felt like my “very old” feet, all I really wanted to do was cry. Well, not exactly ALL I wanted to do. I really wanted to call my former boyfriend and ask him over for one of our famous gin and tonic evenings. Oh, did I mention, he is a former boyfriend I loved until one day I knew that loving someone isn’t enough? What about the part about the break-ups and the trying again and again and again….you get the picture, right?
Evenings really open up when we are alone again and all my life, movies have taken me away from life’s inevitable pain. An eternal fan of Tim Robbins, I watched “Thanks for Sharing”. An Indie film about sex addicts in recovery, it brought back the wisdom of 12-Step programs, reminding me not to pick up the phone. I was a big time qualifier for their HALT!. Its principles can save your life as it has mine many times. HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) reminds us that when we are experiencing any of these feelings or states of body and mind, it is important not to act or make a decision that is pulling us toward unwise and unhealthy outcomes. Example in point…NOT the time to call the lost love! There might be a time when calling him will be healthy and wise, but not tonight.
There is so much wisdom in all the 12-Step programs whether or not we qualify for these programs ourselves. It isn’t heady, deeply intellectual or material for an Alan Watts video. The principles are brilliant in their simplicity and just for today, they helped me into my pajamas. Tomorrow, rested and no longer lost in the woods, I will know the right thing to do.