I Thought I Was Over You

IMG_0278Is your new relationship a product of your last one?


Nobody wants the answer to this question to be “Yes”. Why? Because it conjures up words like “rebound” or “transition man”. We like to believe that we are over someone because the culture says we have to be if we are to have a healthy relationship. Well, that is only partially the truth.


Many of us have met someone and on the first date all they can do is tell the story about him/her either through gritted teeth or while smiling and reassuring us (really, themselves) that it is “in the past”. The way we know that is a lie is everything we say reminds him/her of a story about that still present “ex”.


But even if we are healthy, we have found the courage to put ourselves back out there to find love, and we understand what happened and are determined to do it differently this time, we will always show up at the next person’s door with our bag packed with leftovers. Most often, the entree in there is the hurt and pain that remains in our hearts and sometimes deep in our bones.


We really like this person and the chorus sings, reminding us that we might get hurt, he/she might not be what we think they are, that we might hurt them or as we used to say in the ‘Old Days”…we don’t want to lead them on. And if we can push through this part and be willing to be vulnerable and intimate, it isn’t yet over…the next wave can appear so quickly that it takes our breath away, or makes us sob or feel deeply lonely even as we lay next to this beautiful new person who wants to love us. That is the last thing to come out of the bag we bring and the first chance we have with a new person to heal it because if they love us, they will bring their baggage too and ask us to patiently listen, to hold them while they cry or yell at the past. So, go ahead…take that chance on love and now that you know you will have some baggage with you, you can be prepared.

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