I am a sun person, and most of my friends would say a “sunny” one too. But there is something predictable that happens when there is a rainy day. I become my most vulnerable self. I soften and yield to that part of me that later in life has become a precious friend.
Today is one of those days. Tears flow and I ache when I think of love lost. It reduces me to a puddle, and it shows me that part of me that doesn’t see the light of day often enough. I love this soft-shelled self, but it wasn’t always true.
Before I fell in love with her, I felt downright disdain when I felt as if I needed anyone. I couldn’t stand feeling the strong woman bending in the wind…not breaking, simply bending. I needed to believe that I could do anything alone, for myself…I didn’t/couldn’t need anyone, especially a man to love me.
Today, I still cry and for just a moment, it feels strange and unnerving. Then, I feel like a flower unfolding and shedding the pain. I climb in a warm bath and find myself smiling and appreciating those tears. Letting go rather than doing battle with sadness helps it pass, bringing to us a knowing that we are strong with beautiful soft underbellies. How grand!