Would You Say This To Your Child?

Why are we so rough on ourselves? A brilliant friend of mine has been working on a fund raising event for months and holding down a full time job, volunteering, schlepping people around and being a rock for friends like me who some would call “high maintenance”.  The event is tonight and at the witching hour she feels everything she has NOT done or done well enough staring her in the face. The truth is she has done it all beautifully, and in about 9 hours everyone who has the privilege of seeing her masterpiece event will be star struck. I wonder if she will be able to relax into the beauty and pride of what she accomplished without overriding the joy with self-doubt and judgment.


I felt the sadness of how she  we judge ourselves relentlessly all day long. The constant striving to make things better or make them right keeps us from bathing ourselves in the joy of what we give, accomplish and produce. It is that proverbial struggle to be enough, and for whom?


The self- criticism, lamenting and regret can only happen when we are not living in the present moment. Not to get too Zen on you, but that is a fact that even science confirms.  How do we live in the moment while holding our cell phones, waiting for emails, and anxiously looking at our Google calendars wondering how we are going to get it all done? Here are some things that work for me…


1.      Gratitude

2.     Remembering and saying out loud, “I am safe and I have everything I need at this moment.”

3.     Noticing our minds being ahead of us and focusing on something beautiful right where we are.

4.     Meditation, if only for a 5 minute island of peace

5.     Noticing our breath and making sure we are taking in plenty of oxygen with each breath

6.     Being in the “flow” of something we love to do…reading a book, painting a picture, going to an art gallery, listening to our favorite music


Find something that works for you. When you begin to hear those voices telling you that you or something you are doing isn’t enough, just smile and tell them you are sending them to the Bahamas on a nice vacation. Then, put your feet up, breathe deeply and repeat after me: “All is right with the world at this moment.”July 2012 012


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