My friend suggested that I get an editor to work with me on my blogs. I get the advantage of that, but I am so resistant to it. I don’t want anyone or anything to edit me anymore. I want only one thing…to tell the truth, the absolute truth about how I see things. Let me say this again…it is the way I see things, not necessarily THE truth.
Tonight, what I am seeing is an absolutely predictable pattern in the way women behave in new relationships. Here is how it goes…
We see him, we have that surge of hormonal attraction and it feels SO GOOD. Anything that follows, including the truth, we will sweep under a convenient carpet because more than anything “we want that loving feeling”.
Next we begin to get the real story. “This is who I am. This is how I behave. This is my history with women.” They TELL US exactly what the truth is, and like some Junior High School student, we put our fingers in our ears and start the “La, la, la, la…I don’t hear you….” We just want anything but the truth.
Perhaps the truth that men tell us is more widespread than we can let in. Maybe if we believed it, we might know what we are truly up against. These guys, even in their best behavior, simply are looking always for the next best thing. Why? Maybe the hard work it takes to stop and settle down, believing that this is as good as it gets is simply not in their DNA??? Is the old adage about “sowing wild oats” true? Do men and women operate like the animals we are? Oh God, if that is true, what will it mean to take our fingers out of our ears and really open ourselves to that?
For the non-human members of the species, staying until the little ones are born is all they can expect. The males bring the food, even sit on the nest while she stretches her legs and that is what she can count on. Beyond that, when those babies are hatched and fly the nest, the guys are off to the next best thing. Maybe that applies not only to the lower species. Imagine that? There may be some truth here, and knowing more and more about our biology can give us the understanding we need to better understand one another. As research comes in on gender roles and differences, hormones and how critical they are not only in men and women as individuals, but also relationship behaviors, it will give us concrete information. My hope is that it will also mean more compassion for one another. Though I have a lot to learn about oxytocin and testosterone, I know one thing for sure…compassion always provides a beautiful foundation for love.